Trump Now Selling Straws Specifically Designed to Destroy the Planet

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Elizabeth Warren warns of imminent economic apocalypse

Back in 2003, Elizabeth Warren predicted that subprime mortgages would cause an economic crash which, spoiler alert, actually did happen. Eleven years later, as Donald Trump bleats daily about the “GREATEST ECONOMY EVER,” the Democratic candidate has an equally chilling message that she hopes someone will actually listen to: another meltdown is just around the corner.

“Warning lights are flashing. Whether it’s this year or next year, the odds of another economic downturn are high—and growing,” Warren (D-Mass.) wrote in a Medium post entitled “The Coming Economic Crash—And How to Stop It.”

“I see a manufacturing sector in recession. I see a precarious economy that is built on debt—both household debt and corporate debt—and that is vulnerable to shocks. And I see a number of serious shocks on the horizon that could cause our economy’s shaky foundation to crumble,” she wrote.

Instead of housing and mortgages, Warren pointed to leveraged corporate loans—lending to companies with high levels of debt—as a potential area of systemic risk. “These high-risk loans now make up a quarter of all American business loans, and they look a lot like the pre-2008 subprime mortgages: poorly underwritten loans with minimal protections that are then packaged and sold to investors,” she wrote. These loans have increased during the Trump administration as federal regulators have relaxed 2013 guidance that tightened lending standards.

Luckily, and unsurprisingly, Warren is armed not just with predictions of an economic armageddon but how to stop it. That plan includes reducing household debt, reducing leveraged corporate lending, strengthening manufacturing through investment, and limiting possible shocks to the economy by, for instance, not pushing for a no-Brexit deal or engaging in trade war by tweet. Of course, that plan is contingent on voters sending Trump back from whence he came in 2020, but you probably could have guessed that.

Donald Trump Jr.’s girlfriend wants us to believe he actually wrote his own book

To be fair, we do believe that the president’s eldest son was the one who came up with the art direction for the cover, which is apparently trying to clinch that coveted constipated demographic.